Hello, beautiful readers!
As an artist, I often find myself immersed in a world of emotions, colours, and melodies. But beneath the vibrant strokes and harmonious notes lies a complex tapestry of insecurities that I, like many others, grapple with daily. Being a transgender woman in the UK in 2024 has brought both profound joy and deep-seated challenges. Today, I want to share some of my personal battles with insecurity and how they shape my art and music.
### The Mirror's Reflection
One of my biggest insecurities remains the reflection I see in the mirror. There are days when the woman staring back at me feels incongruous with the image I have of myself. The societal standards of beauty and femininity weigh heavily, and the fear of not being "enough" often clouds my self-perception.
I vividly remember a morning a few months ago. I had a big performance that evening, and as I stood in front of the mirror, self-doubt crept in. Would the audience see me for who I truly am? Or would they only see my insecurities magnified? That day, I decided to channel those feelings into my art. I created a new song that shattered my negative mindset. Making new music helps me process my feelings and also connects me with others experiencing similar struggles, as I discovered through conversations at my shows.
### The Stage and the Spotlight
Another significant source of insecurity for me is performing live. The stage is both a place of empowerment and vulnerability. When I'm up there, I'm acutely aware of the gaze of the audience, wondering how they're perceiving me. Are they focusing on my voice and music, or are they scrutinising my appearance and identity?
During my last performance at The Adelphi in Hull, I felt this acutely. My heart raced as I approached the microphone. But as I began to sing, I saw familiar faces in the crowd—friends, supporters, and fans who had followed my journey. In that moment, their love and acceptance enveloped me, turning my insecurity into raw energy that fuelled my performance.
### Creating Digital Art from Vulnerability
New technology has always fascinated me, especially in the arts. My visual art is another powerful outlet for navigating my insecurities, and I have embraced AI technology as a new frontier in this journey. My digital art often depicts abstract forms and vibrant colours, a testament to the chaos and beauty of my inner world. By using AI, I can explore new dimensions and techniques, allowing me to externalise my insecurities more profoundly, transforming them into something tangible and, ultimately, something beautiful.
One of my favourite pieces, "Familiar," was created using AI algorithms to generate intricate patterns based on my emotional state. The result was a stunning visual representation of a journey from self-doubt to self-acceptance.
### Working on an Exciting New Project
I'm thrilled to share that I am currently collaborating with a publisher on an extraordinary project centred around '90s rock music for an upcoming TV show. This endeavour is close to my heart, especially because it celebrates LGBTQ+ themes. While I can’t divulge too many details just yet, I am incredibly excited about this opportunity. The chance to contribute to a project that resonates with my own journey and passions is truly exhilarating. Stay tuned for more updates—I can't wait to share this journey with you!
### Finding Strength in Community
Living in the UK in 2024, I find solace in the growing trans community and allies who stand with us. While societal acceptance and legal protections have improved, there is still much work to be done. It's heartening to see more inclusive platforms and events that celebrate our diversity, but we must continue to push for greater acceptance and understanding.
To anyone reading this who struggles with their insecurities, know that you are not alone. Our vulnerabilities make us human, and our art has the power to connect us in profound ways. Let’s continue to support one another, elevate each other’s voices, and create a world where everyone can truly be themselves.
Thank you for being a part of my journey. Your unwavering support means the world to me, and I look forward to sharing more of my music and art with you.
With love and gratitude,
Aeris Houlihan
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